Thinking about these different messages from the book of James (such as trials and their purposes, how our enticements to sin comes from inside us, friendship with the world being enmity with God, the tongue and how hard it is to tame our tongue and ourselves, how it is when we humble ourselves before the Lord that He lifts us up, and this last one of when we repent and return to the Lord, He removes the sickness/trial that He was using to chastise us), here is a James-inspired song that I wrote.
When I think of depression and my past struggles with it, and not wanting to fall back into it, I often picture a chasm that I am standing on the brink of, looking down dizzily into it, and so scared of falling back into the pit I came out of - this song in a way comes out of that idea, but follows the analogy a little further, ie. when the step to backslide is taken and the freefall begins - knowing that the Lord Jesus Christ is the only one that can lift us back out of that pit and restore us to Himself when we repent and return to Him.
Lord, I know that this is only the beginning.
Lord, I know there is a mark that I have missed.
Lord, I know there's a war I am not winning.
Lord, I know life can get much worse than this.
Lord, I know my battle's not with flesh and blood.
Lord, I know that some part of me is filled with pride.
Lord, I know my heart is cold and prone to wander.
Lord, I know that a sinful beast lurks just inside.
I see myself, and I don't like the picture:
Something is there; corrupt and so hard to tame.
Lord, I'm stumbling - I'm faltering, tripping, falling -
Lord, I know that I only have myself to blame.
I am in a freefall, Lord, I'm falling;
Falling down, I'm crashing down...
Jesus, I need to know You are always with me.
I need to know it's You that will fill my cup.
Jesus, I need to know help is on it's way now.
Lord, I need to know that You will lift me up
...from this fall.
Lord, I know that trials come for a reason.
I hate these struggles that I'm going through.
Lord, I know I should be charged with treason
For loving myself and this world more than You.
Wake up call, I'm falling...
I see, Lord, my fortress was built upon the sand.
I know, I can't catch these clouds I'm falling through.
I see that You are my only hope now, Lord.
Jesus, I know that I can still depend on You.
I'm falling, calling out, I'm calling You.
September 18th, 2010